Scribbled Chaos

scribbledchaos — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:52:00 +0000

TEDxChennai will be held on the 29th November 2009, see below for the Facebook event and check out http://tedxchennai.com for all the details.

Choices

scribbledchaos — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:38:08 +0000

We are who we are because of the choices we make. Every second, every minute, every single point of time in life, we are faced with decisions to make and choices to take. Whether these choices are taken consciously or sub-consciously, we are responsible. Greed, ego, altruism, honesty, integrity, apathy, whatever be the motive, we are held captives by the choices we make. The choices make us, not the other way round.

Layer of Abstraction

scribbledchaos — Sun, 10 May 2009 05:47:23 +0000

They’re 3 concentric circles. The inner ring is the Me. The second layer is The inner me. The outer circle is the outer Me. There’s a layer in between 1) what you think you see

2) what you actually see

3) What the object seems like

4) What the object is actually like

n here I’m the object. To quote the green ogre “an ogre is like onion”has layers”

and the donkey “they stink?”

Ogre: “No. They have layers”

Well I enjoy abstraction. I don’t enjoy Abstract art. This abstraction its personal. I built it. So no one knows the inner me. There’s a layer of abstraction. Some stay at the outer level some I let one level inside but i’m still safe inside my core. My core remains untouched unscathed and it just stays on. So when I’m smiling to your face, I might hate you deep inside. N don’t judge me. Isn’t that how this world is?

The other day, I read a newspaper article about a heroine who “dislikes vulgarity but doesn mind showing her body aesthetically” well deep inside she hates stripping down in front of a gazzillon people. But thats the only reason she’s a heroine (plus casting couch of course) so the outer her does it while the inner her simply hates it while her core wants to kill all those responsible for this.

Well its the crust where true emotions lie. Every layer then polishes it and dampens the intensity. U can still see it in their eyes. No one likes everything. A li’l hatred never hurt anyone and I would like to end this post with an axiom. Hatred makes u feel alive.

Birthday Bash..I guess

scribbledchaos — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:19:28 +0000

Woke up to several calls n messages. Happy birthday. Thank you. N then twas time for the treat. Wasn’t late today. Had borrowed my sister’s state of the art flying machine. A dilapidated black scooty pep. Fair enough. I get to reach on time. Petrol nearing empty. After bout three hours in a pizza shop I come out all smiles. Garglic Bread and Tortilla finding their way thru my intestines. N I start the vehicle.

Long story short, the fucking thing refused to start. N I tried for half an hour. It was 3 pm n I had my girl watch n laugh at me all the while. I was sweating like a pig under the hot sun, kicking it n punching the self start button.

Maybe there’s not enough petrol. Struck me after half hour. Thankfully there was a petrol bunk nearby. Right next to this building. I went their did a tank fill n asked him to kick it for me. 10 mins later the engine came to life. Woah!! I upped the throttle n zipped off. In the wrong side. Fifteen mins later, I’m at this deserted street with not a shop in sight kicking again! No mechanics on a sunday afternoon. It took me another half hour of kicking to realize that I should dump the vehicle. I pushed it all the way to a complex that had a very steamy ice cream parlor named “Creamy inn”. I had a superb juice at a LOCAL juice-vandi (those pushcarts with manual juice “machines” a la muniyandi-vilas-of-the-juice) That was the most refreshing part.

I thought my luck got better when I spotted a Mechanic shop right opposite. Crossed n asked him if he’d come n fix it. He said ”Vandiya ittandu tha ba”

Translation “get the vehicle here u shit-head”

He was drunk. I dragged d vehicle from d complex n pulled it all d way to the oppoiste had to use d zebra crossing at d nearest junction. I had so much hatred for every vehicle that was zipping in front of my eyes. The drunk dude took another fifteen mins to tell me twas a problem with the battery. Said I’ve to charge the battery. I can either let him do it. Tomorrow. Or take the battery n come home get it ready get back to him tomorrow and get it done. I said fuck you n dragged the vehicle back to the complex cuz a minute more n he promised to charge me 50 bucks for consultation fees.

So..My vehicle is sitting in a lonely complex with no guard with a tank full of petrol right opposite a mechanic shop who would steal every part he could the minute he became sobre. Does it get better from here? Not really.

I went to a barista to cool down. Ordered a bottle of Chilled mineral water and sat down. Power cut. N the waiter returns with a “Sorry sir we dont have bottled water” n the drink I’d ordered, cannot be prepared cuz of the power cut. I still stayed there for half hour sharin my girl’s chocolate drink. Yes she was there thru out. The local juice, the mechanic shop, dual pushing of the vehicle, the embarrassing-moment-u-enter-power-cut. She was there thruout. N dint complain. Thankfully.

Before we went out, I promised her, I’ll give her a very memorable birthday to remember. I guess I did just about that.

cheers to bad luck.

Beyond the Walls

scribbledchaos — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:05:03 +0000

When you’re inside walls, you feel safe. You get used to the poor lighting. Your eyes adjust. You feel protected by them. Like the smell inside. Feels like home. Safe. Protected from the bad outer world. Phoney feeling of safety. You’re contented. You just accept fate and get used to the surrounding. You gradually start feeling happy till you see the outside. Till you get a peek. Till you see what these walls are denying you. Till you see what they have taken away from you. Till you see how they’ve curbed your instincts. Tamed you. Retained you. Restrained you. Refrained you. Till you realize that a beautiful world awaits you. Right outside these walls. Just beyond these walls. And all it requires is a small effort. A small jump. Or a giant leap. But beyond these walls lies the Garden of Eden. Life. Lovely. Lively. Life. What you lacked. What these walls stopped you from attaining. The world awaits to welcome you with warm hands and a bear hug. You start building these hopes. Building these dreams. About what lay beyond these walls. About a fantastic life that lie waiting for the star thats you. Then you make these efforts, plan to break out. Plan your work. Work your plan. Execute it. n get out. Only to realize the harsh truth. There’re no warm hugs or bare hands. No welcoming ceremony. You came like the rest. You’re normal. Thats wat hurts the most. That you’re not special. That all this disappointment and this excruciating pain you feel is considered normal. That everyone goes through it. Thats the difficult part. Cuz beyond those walls you broke out are even more walls. Walls that are even more difficult to get out of. Invisble Walls. Walls that are bigger and stronger. Beyond those walls are more walls. The walls overpower you. Till you simply give up trying to break out of these bloody walls.

ECE Vs CSE

scribbledchaos — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:42:32 +0000

The moment I told her I wanted CSE she gave me this weird look. Like I said somethin horrible. like I cussed in a house of god. And then the advice started. See, CSE is like restricting urself. Your future is decided by fluctuations in the market. You take ECE n u get the best of both worlds. If computer industry looks good, u can go there and if its down u can JUMP to electronics.

I still chose computers. Today, after four years, by the end of it, I realize that I made the right choice cuz I enjoyed the subjects. Its not like I aced my class. I just enjoyed the subjects. Liked them. Or to put it better, I Didn’t hate them. When kids come to me for advice asking if they should choose CSE or ECE i tell them the same thing I was told. It’s smarter to choose ECE unless u r really serious bout Computers.

The reason I hate dem Electronics is they’re goddamn small. But the problem with CSE is, u cant learn eletronics seriously wen u pursue CS. Whereas anyone can enroll in a computer course while doin their major in another subject. Thats dual qualification. Frankl, anyone can learn C or C++ n get placed in a software company. But its not equally simple to be a Computer guy n work in an electronics core company.

Premarital Sex

scribbledchaos — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 08:18:36 +0000

Premarital Sex.

Is it right? That’s more of a moral and a personal question. The more appropriate question would be is it ok? Cuz I dont think its something new. I dont think its somethin we can sit discuss and take a decision on. Its just there. And we can sit all day and discuss only one thing: Are we okay with it. Period.

It’s not because of BPOs and the supposed “westernization of Indian tradition”. Let’s not play the Blame game. Infidelity and premarital sex have been present in our ancient scriptures. There’re statues in temples that depict premarital sex. Kamasutra has a separate section that deals with how to satisfy another man’s wife. What I dislike about our culture is their resonant silence over this topic. We dont have solutions for most of our problems, because we don’t have the balls to stand up and admit that its prevalent.

Actress Kushboo got Jagged royally by the media and for doing that. For having the courage to speak up. To address something thats as common as common cold all over this country. But the watchdogs and the so called saviours of our tamil culture pounced on her for her comments with snide remarks. We’re after all a system where a member of the assembly was assaulted and her saree was pulled off from her. So my question to all those politicians who seek refuge under the SAVE CULTURE banner is “why?” and “why not?”

Come out of the closet. Bring your skeletons out. Like the US, Where premarital sex is normal. Address the issue. Even if there’s no solution, lets admit that we’ve got a problem. Like people say, there’s no problem that can’t be discussed.

Get it Out

scribbledchaos — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 07:50:10 +0000

It helps to get things off your chest. When the burden is too heavy for comfort and all you wanna do is confess into someone. into something. Maybe a dog, maybe these walls that are omnipresent. just talk to yourself. Speak into the mirror. Look at your pathetic self. feel bad. For a while. and then move on. Everything’s a learning experience. All it takes is a little while. After that you get used to it. In the beginning the pain is like waves on a sea shore. Keeps coming before you can forget the previous one. Later on its like an exponentially decreasing value that never goes away but does decrease to manageable limits. All you gotta do is confess. Get it out. Cry. And then move one.

Break the walls

scribbledchaos — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 07:10:24 +0000

Cornered. Surrounded On all four sides. And on top. By Walls. Concrete and otherwise. I want to break out. Detroy these walls that limit me. Limit my imagination. That restrict my freedom. That curb my independence. They make me feel safe. Consequently, they make me feel complacent. I want to break out. Get out of my comfort zone. Do new things. Forget old memories. Or die trying. I want the satisfaction. Of knowing I didn’t let myself be imprisoned. That I wasnt a bystander to the atrocities that I was put through. I dont want to sit in this cubicle and brood. I dont want to be a bird whose wings are clipped. Even if I’m a sparrow thats safer in the cage, I’d rather fly. Soar High. Into the Azure Skies. Disappear from the face of this earth. Maybe. Or just vegetate inside th comfort of these walls. That bind me. That blind me. Are they bad? They protect me from the bad outer world but I dont need no chaperon. I dont need no spoon feeding. If life’s as hard as they say, then I wanna feel it. Feel the pain. Feel the fear. And then overcome it. Like everyone else does. Learn in time. Like everyone else. No walls. No falls. Not false. No more hiding. Isn’t it good to resume running after hiding? How long can a man be in exile? I wanna break my walls. Get out there. And do something that makes me feel liberated. It might be nothing. But then it might be something. As simple as feeding a dog. I wanna do it cuz I WANT to not because there’s nothing better to do. Not because there’s no choice. Yes, I wanna break these walls that bind me. Break these walls.

Shipwreck

scribbledchaos — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:49:14 +0000

So close to the shore

Never felt pain before

Cold water gently seeps

through a heart that weeps

puts an end to the suffering

of once-upon-a-time the water’s king

Not a soul in sight

neither fight nor flight

Surrender to the water

Just take me in faster

I want to sleep in the muddy floor

take me in come open the door

All I need now is company

just someone to die with me

I hear the sea gulls cry

I see the oceans dry

make room for the big guy

to break down and cry